Buckled

BUCKLED

This grief had snapped
her in two,
pulled the pegs
from her legs,
knees buckled, and left
her in a crippled heap
on the floor –
as if
a new perspective
could change anything.

.
.
……….Or version 2 ….

BUCKLED.

This
grief
had snapped
her in two,
pulled the pegs from her
knees, legs buckled, and left her
in a crippled heap on the floor -
as if …
a new perspective
could
change
anything.
.
.

Written for   Margo’s Tuesday Tryout prompt. Recalling emotion, and Joseph’s Reverie #41 Joseph’s Reverie #41 .

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16 thoughts on “Buckled

  1. I love having the two to look at. My instant like is the first one. So, I went back to see why I like the one over the other. I agree with de, partly it’s the formatting, but more than that, I like the effect of the enjambment in the first. Look at your end words for each draft. The first version feels buckled.

  2. Odd one out, I prefer the second. The fragmented nature of it seems to me to fit better with what you are saying. However I am in a minority of one, so far! (Why did you feel you wanted to try a second version? What was it about the first that didn’t satisfy you? I expect you are right and you need yet a third.)

    • Hi Rosemary, I wanted a form that gave it a crumbling, choppy feel but most readers found that too difficult (and for some unpleasant) to read. I don’t think I’ll do a 3rd version as this has confirmed to me just how subjective poetry is, and how breaking up a few lines can change its perception. Thank you very much for adding this discussion, Rosemary!

    • Very interesting! We’re almost completely split down the middle now on preference. Makes me think I should keep one as is and rework the other! Thanks so much Sara for stopping by and adding your voice to this. :D

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